Watching

I always sit out with the dogs when I let them out. The other morning I could see in my peripheral vision I was being watched. The neighbor across the street got divorced and moved in some buddies. One of them has a girlfriend and she was watching. I'm use to it actually, people always stare. Not sure if its because they never seen a handful of dogs together before or they think I'm odd for sitting outside with them when I have a fenced in yard. About ten minutes later the girl came out of the house and was standing at my fence. She asked me if I wanted her dog a Jack Russel Terrier. I said I really just don't have the room. She smiled and said okay.

When she left I realized I had just learned a lesson. This girl was once obviously very beautiful but was now deteriorating due to drugs. She's bone skinny and has rotten teeth. She is in constant movement even while just standing and talking. My guess is she's on meth. The lesson for me- I always wanted to be pretty. My mom was known for her beauty. My dad told me when I was 12 that I was ugly. He blamed me for the sexual abuse by others. He said, "Men think ugly girls are easy girls". What I saw this morning was sometimes beauty isn't enough. This girl had what I always wanted but was killing herself.

Before I got sick I was okay looking. Thin with a lot of thick long curly hair. Now I've got a weight problem and my hair is thinning. But I'm grateful that I haven't gotten into drugs and invest my time & money in animal rescue. I guess this is a lesson to stop watching others and accept myself...apparently beauty isn't the main ingredient to a happy life.

He called me Mommy

Joey was an African Grey. I was on a rescue mission for a different bird that was sick & I noticed Joey watching me wherever I moved across the room. I asked for his story. I was told he attacks everyone. Since he seemed so interested in watching me I asked if I could hold him. They said at my own risk. I opened the door to his cage and he climbed right up on my arm. He was a love.

It took weeks to raise the money to save the sick bird and in the process I noticed the people HATED Joey and I feared for him. My macaw came from this place and they'd hit him for being "mean". One day I checked in on them and Joey climbed on my & hid his face in the crease of my arm. I asked what was wrong and he looked up at me. His beak was badly cracked. I got him out of that place too. Vet wasn't sure his beak would totally heal but it did. The other bird lived too and was later adopted out. Joey never lost his anger towards people. He would only go to me and one of my friends. She died a few years ago from cancer..so it was just me.

Every morning he'd tell me Hello and ask for "Crack" which was his peanut butter crackers. When on the phone if I was repeating numbers to someone he'd throw out random numbers at me. If I were on the phone with my friend Pam he'd constantly yell "Mommyyyy" like Stewy from Family Guy. I never saw the show so he must have picked it up from the commercials.

He had quite the vocabulary it was obvious he had previously lived with a man...if one of the other animals annoyed him he'd say, "I'm gonna kick your ass!" If I told him not to do something he'd blow a raspberry and laugh.

His first day with me he wanted held and asked for a kiss. "Gimme a kiss" so I went to kiss him..he put his beak on my lips and made a farting sound and laughed. Yeah he had a man in his life at some point.

He'd yell "Joey sing!" and then do the Andy Griffith theme whistle.

The other morning I came home & found him struggling..making awful sounds. I called the vet. She got me in right away. He was dying & I put him to sleep. I held him and told him I loved him as he took his final breath.

He trusted me from the moment he saw me. Wish I could have saved him. Even among the chatter of the other two birds...there is a void left by Joey. I miss his voice...he called me mommy...