Watching

I always sit out with the dogs when I let them out. The other morning I could see in my peripheral vision I was being watched. The neighbor across the street got divorced and moved in some buddies. One of them has a girlfriend and she was watching. I'm use to it actually, people always stare. Not sure if its because they never seen a handful of dogs together before or they think I'm odd for sitting outside with them when I have a fenced in yard. About ten minutes later the girl came out of the house and was standing at my fence. She asked me if I wanted her dog a Jack Russel Terrier. I said I really just don't have the room. She smiled and said okay.

When she left I realized I had just learned a lesson. This girl was once obviously very beautiful but was now deteriorating due to drugs. She's bone skinny and has rotten teeth. She is in constant movement even while just standing and talking. My guess is she's on meth. The lesson for me- I always wanted to be pretty. My mom was known for her beauty. My dad told me when I was 12 that I was ugly. He blamed me for the sexual abuse by others. He said, "Men think ugly girls are easy girls". What I saw this morning was sometimes beauty isn't enough. This girl had what I always wanted but was killing herself.

Before I got sick I was okay looking. Thin with a lot of thick long curly hair. Now I've got a weight problem and my hair is thinning. But I'm grateful that I haven't gotten into drugs and invest my time & money in animal rescue. I guess this is a lesson to stop watching others and accept myself...apparently beauty isn't the main ingredient to a happy life.