Reflections

Tomorrow will be a year since Sara died. We were friends since we were born. I never imagined life without her. She was family. She was a kind, compassionate person who would stop to help a stranger. She died from pancreatic cancer. She survived less than two years from the time of diagnosis.

Both my parents are gone. Aunt Doll followed my mom to heaven within a year. Siblings at various states of contact are scattered around the state and country.

I often think if I didn't have animal rescue I would live in a constant state of fear. People/life so unpredictable. I had a friend since I was 19 who recently stopped talking to me because I had to steal a animal in order to save it. She can't get passed the idea that I would just steal from someone. I didn't take jewels,etc I couldn't let the animal die. Even knowing it would cause me to lose my long time friend, I'd do it all over again. The animal is physically okay now but will always be mental due to starvation.

People can be such a disappointment so I'm trying to be more cautious not allowing such judgemental people in my life. I guess that person was never a friend they were just someone I knew for many years. She obviously wasn't a real friend and doesn't get it and never will. I thought she was a better person than she proved to be.

I have a neurological disorder that flares up with stress. I've relapsed a lot the past couple of months. I can't have a full blown relapse because I've developed an allergy to the cure. This syndrome causes my brain to swell, nerves in face and neck to swell and become extremely painful. Facial paralysis, dizziness, hearing loss. Thankfully the relapses are minor, painful but not full blown symptoms. Since becoming allergic to the cure I asked the ER doctor what will they do. He said never have a full blown relapse. I said well what if...he said they'd give me the medicine and other meds to prevent anaphylactic shock and hope for the best. It's hard to avoid stress but I try. I do have medicine I take as soon as I feel a relapse starting. So far the meds take care of things in a couple of days.

I do my best to find ways to relax, deep breathe,etc. Life is just stressful. I always try to find the good and focus on what I have control over. I live in a small town and I know many of my neighbors. My neighborhood has changed so much over the years. Many people have moved. Some talking about moving. I guess the underlying stress for me is being alone. No real sense of connection. So I focus on saving animals they are the best cure for self pity. I love animals, people and life. I find something to laugh at in almost any situation. I just sometimes feel a disconnect. I'm close to many but I really wish to belong.

Nightmares

I have so many nightmares that involve me trying to save an animal. Often there is just one thing getting in my way something simple like a lost address. I realize living with, caring for and adopting out rescued animals is probably the biggest cause of these nightmares. I know I am one person and can't save them all. I do my best.

Today something I read won't stop running through my head. It makes my stomach hurt. Someone described witnessing a dog beating. He said the worst was afterwards. The dog sitting outside with his head against the railing and just shaking. My heart breaks for these animals. I want to hug them all. It's hard to read these stories. Such raw fear for these animals.

I currently have two animals up for adoption. Both have survived a lot. A cat that was starved and tortured. A puppy so scared even standing up to pick her up will cause her to go into a yelping frenzy trying to get away and hide. I just don't understand how people could be so mean.

There is evil in this world that people just overlook. Anyone who hurts and animal is a coward they want to hurt something that can't fight back. They often will beat children too.

It doesn't help that even our President Obama praises an ex-con that viciously tortured animals and laughed as it happened. Until this kind of thing stops, there isn't any hope for a civilized society. We can't reward evil and expect others to strive for compassion.

I guess I really shouldn't call what happens to me while I sleep nightmares...nightmares are just dreams...not real. What I see in my sleep is real for proof google any animal rescue and read the stories.

The two new broken hearts in my care are mending...slowly but there has been progress. They seem happy to see me even when I wake up in the morning...funny considering they've been sleeping right next to me...but they greet me like I've been away a long time. With this love comes trust...and then I must trust those who will adopt them to make sure they never hurt again. That is truly the hardest part...because even with the best precautions...you never know.

Rescue is a hard life, what we see, hear about, deal with first hand...is hard but worth it all. There is nothing like the first time a rescue demonstrates trust...they have such resilient little souls.

Crazy Day

Spent a frantic morning trying to find a rescue to pick up puppy Natalie's sister. She was scheduled to die on friday. Thankfully someone picked her up. I wouldn't have let her die but wanted to see if someone else could get her first. And they did..yay!

I scrubbed and vacuumed today. As I was washing the stove I realized when I use the sink the water ends up all over the floor. Half the sink is broken and now the other side isn't working right. For some reason its pouring out a section of the piping and tightening,etc doesn't stop it. So it really pissed me off. I mean I have to get the roof tarped because of a leak and now the freaking sink is busted. So I can only wash dishes once a day and then mop the floor afterwards because all the water will be on the floor. I don't have any money so that's just how it goes. I tried to contact low income help but for various reasons I don't qualify.

Then when I took Riley to the vet to get her stitches out from being spayed, she is wearing a belly band now. Vet thinks the internal stitches ripped and she will probably need surgery again next week. She's bound for a week to see if that helps but when you press on it you can feel the sides of the muscle and it just goes straight up after that..poor dog! She doesn't seem to be in pain so I'm grateful for that fact. She's keeping the bandage on so far but its hard to keep her from playing and it moves. We are doing our best.

Overall a puppy's life was saved today..so all in all it was a good day.

Natalie

Natalie is a Valentine's Day rescue. She is ten weeks old and 11 lbs she has her first set of shots. My vet thinks she's probably a shepherd/hound/husky mix. She has one brown eye and the other one is half brown and blue. She is the most frightened puppy yet. She likes to cuddle but is afraid to have me walk or stand near her. She will run and try to hide. But she's coming around. The vet says Natalie has kennel cough. She's taking antibiotics twice a day for ten days. She's still adoptable she just needs to be the only dog in the home while she is recovering. I hope to find her a really good home soon!

Why?

I have so much to say and not sure those I tell really want to hear it. So I thought a blog would allow me to get it all out.

I've devoted my adult life to animal rescue. I believe its my life's calling. I've seen the results of the worst of humans and the best. I've learned a lot over the years about people and animals. Lately one thing has really been bothering me. I say 'thing' because I can't believe 'its' human. There is a sports figure that is held in such high regard after displaying a kind of cruelty that only the most evil could perform. Please read the following PDF file and get informed:

http://www.usda.gov/oig/webdocs/BadNewzKennels.pdf

This esteemed athlete Michael Vick would take a dog that lost his fight and put jumper cables to its ears, turn on the car and throw the dog in the pool. Watch as it was being electrocute and trying to save itself. Claw marks are still on the pool from the struggling dogs. This is just one of several sadistic things this man has done.

I've noticed the biggest supporters are of his same race. I've been called racist for my views and lack of forgiveness for this evil doer. I actually think its reverse racism. I don't think there would be this much sympathy for the ass if he was white. I wish he was white and maybe he wouldn't still be playing football and held up as a role model instead of an example!

Poor baby Vick was raised poor in the south and this is what he saw. Well hell, most child molesters were raped as kids and that's what they saw. God doesn't say one sin is worse than the other. Sin is sin. To hell with all of them. I was beaten, raped, etc when young. I rescue abused animals now. So FUCK THE ABUSE EXCUSE and those who fall for it!!!

We all make mistakes but we all aren't evil. We may yell at a friend on a bad day, or bounce a check because we forgot to deposit the rent money. But we don't electrocute, hang or shoot our dog in the head because it failed to meet our expectations. Oh wait failed to kill another dog for money. For a man who already had millions. Here are actual copies of the court records:

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/file/michael-vick-indicted

As I type this blog a dog that was starved and beaten is sitting next to me. On the sofa in the living room is a brain damaged dog. He arrived with a head injury. His whole body hurt, he'd yelp just jumping off a step. He doesn't understand much but responds to kindness and love. There are other rescues who live with me. They have been badly beaten, starved, tortured. But still find the ability to trust and show love.

So if humans are so superior why can a animal recover and be gentle and kind. Vick already had it all when he was arrested. He didn't commit a crime in order to get money to eat. He has no excuse and I wish people would quit trying to give him one. And for the record he was charged with lessor crimes when he went to jail. None of which included the evil done to the animals. So he didn't pay his debt to society.

I'm so disappointed in the Humane Society of the United States. The team Vick plays for The Eagles donates a lot of money and suddenly HSUS supports Vick. It sickens me they can be bought. But as I've learned they aren't that helpful with rescues anyway. The ASPCA is actually the hands on organization for abused animals.

I see the results of evil, I hold and comfort the results of evil, I live with the results of evil. I will never understand how anyone could support an evil person simply because he can throw a ball or because of the color of his skin. It's not logical or humane.